Soda Jerks

There is no Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper in my office building. My obvious option unavailable, I chose Cherry Coke's caffeine to constrict my cranium's blood vessels and resolve my headache.

"Look under the cap! 1 in 12 wins free Coke!" the plastic bottle urged.

(twist)

DRINK
COKE

PLAY
AGAIN

Excuse me, Coca Cola Corporation, but back in my day you earned an apology after you failed to win a bottlecap contest! In the old days, "Sorry, try again!" was printed crudely underneath the cap. Though it wasn't much in the aesthetics department, it was a necessary and compassionate message, the literary equivalent of anthropomorphic high fructose corn syrup there next to me, hand on my shoulder, urging me to keep my chin up. "You'll get 'em next time, champ," it seemed to say. So what gives with the modern day version? "DRINK COKE. PLAY AGAIN." Let's dissect the message Coke's folks chose to replace the old standby:

DRINK COKE
I've already purchased your wares, you clods! Seems a little pathetic that the #1 producer of soda pop in the world - arguably the most recognized company in the world - needs to insert an advertisement under the cap. Or is this part of a message instructional? Did they think I'd be too distracted by the potential prize to notice that I had 20 ounces of Coke in my hand?

PLAY AGAIN
I don't appreciate getting bossed around by my purchases - the folks at the Talking Inflatable Woman Store could have told you that. Poor form again, Coke - just because you saw Charlie Brown try, try again with Lucy and the football doesn't mean we're all so doggedly persistent.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?