I heard author Stephen Church on NPR (KPR, actually, and you may listen to the interview online) this morning; he was talking about his new book, The Guinness Book of Me. Good title for a book - I haven't read it yet, but Amazon has an excerpt I can test out. I was delighted to hear him talk about World's Longest Fingernails Guy - I recall that my own grade school classmates were similarly obsessed with the book and that guy in particular. There was a photo included with that record, as I recall. Disgusting. Upon further reflection, I wondered why a small rural school would spend its library funds on volumes of Guinness books, books with little concrete educational value. I mean, the Guinness books were first compiled to settle bar bets - not exactly the World Almanac. Thank God the library did stock it, though. Hours of entertainment.
Today I thought about what would be listed in my own Guinness Book. I was reminded of a Bill Simmons column where he mentioned the idea of our own personal Elias Sports Bureaus.
Here's what I came up with today. I'll try to add to this list as I think of different records:
Longest without a shower: ~3 days, Colorado camping vacation, circa 1999
Longest without sex: [record deleted in the interest of all involved]
Land speed record: ~90-95 mph, Eastbound I-70, trying to get to the theater in Topeka before that crappy movie with Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston started (didn't make it)
Most intoxicated: The night I played "Chug It" the board game, my Minneapolis apartment, circa 2002
Longest makeout session: 3 CDs or so (including Jagged Little Pill, The Bends, and maybe Under the Table and Dreaming), my mom's empty house, circa 1996
Longest work day: 12 hours, wheat harvest, circa 1995
I invite you all to think of your own records (or compare yours to mine) and add them in the comments.
4 comments:
Longest time withholding urination: 2.5 hours, plane trip from Wichita to Colorado Springs, ~1990
Most tacos eaten in one sitting: 20, Taco Shop, 1998
Fastest speed reached: 105 on lone stretch of highway outside Wichita*
*would have been faster had my car not been equipped with a governer
Is it sad that almost all records I think of involve drinking?
Most chicken wings eaten in 1 sitting: 1 pound, Brit's Pub, Mpls 2002. (I'm a little person...)
Most coffee drunk in one sitting: 46oz, french roast. Dunn's Bro, Mpls, 2002. Almost puked.
Longest without showering: 1 week. Boundary Waters Canoe Trip,1993.
Longest distance streaked: 200 yards, Gustavus Arboretum, 1998.
Drunkest: 21st birthday, St, Peter, MN, 1999.
Longest friendship: 23 years, Naomi Malek. We met in kindergarten and we're still friends.
Heather
Number of same CD purchased for my own listening pleasure: 3, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
Most Drunk: .428 BAC (as recorded by the Lake of the Ozarks Hospital) Lake of the Ozarks, Sept. 12, 2000.
Fastest Pitch: 78 mph, Wranglers Game, 2000
Most water drank from a hose under water: approx. 24 oz., Grady's Pool, 1992
Shortest shower (shampoo & soap): 27 seconds, Lake Texoma, 1996
Fastest cigarette smoked: 52 seconds, shitty motel party, 1997
dear heather..i'm wrting from Italy.
I'm dsperately looking for a girl named Naomi Malek (and google sent me right to your comment, on april 12th 2008).
If this girl is from Colorado, that i think it's the friend I'm looking for..
my email address il lillus8@gmail.com
sorry for bothering everybody in this pretty blog...
Livia
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