Fermented Grapes of Wrath

Yesterday, the Supreme Court opened the door to state-to-state, internet wine sales. In Kansas, in-state and out-of-state sales are prohibited. Will things change?

Whether legislators will be quick in rallying to the wine producers' cause remains to be seen.

"This is not a slam dunk in terms of whether we need to anything or, if we do, what that would be," said Rep. John Edmonds, R-Great Bend and chairman of the House Federal and State Affairs Committee.

Edmonds said he wouldn't be leading the charge.

"There are a lot of issues that would to be dealt with, not the least of which would be opening the door for a 14-year-old with dad's credit card to buy wine," he said. "We don't let them buy guns that way. Do we want to let them by wine that way?"

The representative from Barton County makes an excellent point - why can't the citizens of this great state buy pistols online? He also makes a standard point about internet wine sales, one I've heard from several other sources since SCOTUS made their ruling. What about the children? How can we keep their disgusting little hands off the carafe? How do we keep their lips pink, not purple? We need answers, because this Supreme Court ruling is the moment that adolescents have been waiting for. Screenings of Sideways were crowded not with married couples and aging grad students, but busload upon busload of cheering minors. Handfuls upon handfuls of teens ache to sample pricey, vintage pinots and cabernets from tiny vineyards across the land.

The activist judges have again valued "The Constitution" ahead of family values. Chaos is afoot! Little Timmy's birthday parties are at stake! Pre 5/16, he and his pals from junior high celebrated with a rowdy game of laser tag infused with a Now That's What I Call Music Volume 12 soundtrack. What's left for Timmy and the gang in this post-5/16 world - a semi-formal affair, an array of semi-soft cheeses upon the elegantly set table, the virtuoso sylings of Itzhak Perlman emanating from the gramophone, polite but muted dialog among the guests?

Is there anything left to stop them from abusing mail-order wine?

Off the top of my head, I can think of one way to prevent catastrophe - Dad keeps his credit card number to himself. Maybe he could store it in a safe place, like the liquor cabinet.


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Bonus link:

Johnny America has commented on this very website - those curious about KU's new logo should read his exhaustive post.