In The Morning When You Don't Know What To Do

Phil likes Oasis more than any person I know. He is also the only person I know that reads Q magazine. I was in his room at the frat house one day when he showed me the February 1999 issue about the greatest singles of all time - it featured an interview with Noel Gallagher of Oasis:

How experimental can Oasis be?

People aren't gonna get Sgt Pepper, 'cos it's not in there [taps head]. Who's experimental anyway? Not The Prodigy. They're bound by the restrictions of the big electronics companies - it's Mr Yamamoto building the new sampler who's doing the experimenting, not them. The only really experimental band of the last five years have been Stereolab and who gives a f*** about them? I mean, I like them, but who really gives a f***? Y'know, I like honesty and balls-out rock'n'rillness. I like a f*****g tune. If "Smells Like Teen Spirit" had sounded like "Wonderwall" or vice versa they would still have been brilliant singles. Does it want to make you get out of your bed in the morning? Does it make you want to shag your bird? Does it make you want to take drugs? Does it make you want to have a fight? Does it make you want to put your arm round your mate and say I love you? That's what counts.

I haven't read that interview since that day with Phil in 1999, but I was able to find it via Google (my search was "Q magazine" "shag your bird"). The last part of that quote affected me. I thought about it in the days after I first read it, and it's stayed with me all these years - "Does it want to make you get out of bed in the morning?"

I was a sophomore in college, and I wasn't all that sure why I got out of bed in the morning. I asked myself why, but came up blank. I asked others on my floor - students who were similarly foolish enough to spend a second year in the dorms - but they were stumped.

I was alone in my room one night at 11:40 p.m. CST, going through my routine. The stereo was on at low volume, broadcasting "Loveline". The ten-inch color television was on - Conan's monologue was ending. As usual, I was trying to enjoy both programs at once. It struck me that this was not normal behavior; perhaps I got out of bed in the morning to laugh.

Laughter! Amusement! Happiness! This was so obvious - why hadn't I thought of it before? And I had proof! My actions proved my intentions. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to wake up, have some Cracklin' Oat Bran (the dorm perk of all dorm perks), and be entertained by the wacky situations that would arise each day. To pass the time, I'd also be educated and earn my degree.

Then I graduated. To pass the time, I earned my graduate degree.

A strange thing happened next. I planned to move away and begin my new job, but the start date was months in the future. I got out of bed to pass the time - to waste time until I could start the next stage of my life. It's an awkward, disconnected situation - you're a designated driver every night, half-participating in the fun, waiting for the opportunity to be a part of the full experience again.

It's been two years since I began my career. At first, the novelty of work, a new city, and a home caused time to pass quickly. Things are different now - the disconnect has returned. Why do I get out of bed in the morning? No wacky situations arise from the time I wake up to when I return home from the office; the worknight's remaining four hours are worthless - equivalent to the garbage minutes backup athletes get at the end of a blowout. It isn't enough to look forward to.

Dating Ali, I could look forward to simple things - a call on my cell or at my office, a weeknight of takeout and The Office. Looking forward to a solo viewing of The Daily Show isn't the same.

I'm going to try to set up my schedule so that there is always something to look forward to, to get out of bed for. I haven't got much so far. Unlike some, I don't have the desire to join the Peace Corps or run a marathon, so the list may appear a little trivial until a burning aspiration reveals itself.:

May 23 - Get out of work a few hours early for my doctor's appointment
May 27-30 - Relaxing Memorial Day weekend somewhere or another doing something or other
June 4-8 - Depart for Albuquerque conference, celebrate birthday with marginally liked co-workers

It's not much, but it's a start.