Onion Braces For Lemons

The Onion AV Club reviews the upcoming summer movie season - here's some samples:

Herbie: Fully Loaded

Director: Angela Robinson

Cast: Lindsay Lohan, Michael Keaton, Matt Dillon

Causes for excitement: Herbie: Fully Loaded screenwriters Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon are reliably funny on Reno 911! Also, Herbie's subtitle takes on all manner of cheeky double meanings in light of the hard-partying Lohan's tabloid travails. Besides, Herbie: Fully Loaded is attempting to satiate the public's bottomless hunger for anthropomorphic automobile-themed humor, a need that hasn't been adequately filled since Herbie tragically "went bananas" in 1980.

Probable cause for disappointment: Can Lohan truly be said to possess the raw sexual charisma of a young Dean Jones? Also, Lennon and Garant's other screenplay credits include The Pacifier and Taxi.

The Pink Panther

Director: Shawn Levy

Cast: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Beyoncé Knowles

Causes for excitement: There is no law forcing anyone to see it.

Probable cause for disappointment: It exists.