The things I go through so that rich people can enjoy their nachos. This is not the best story in the world, but it kind of gives insight into what kind of shit can ruin my day in a hurry.
One of our biggest and best accounts, [company name deleted] of [city name deleted] supplies all the food for [football stadium A]. [company name deleted] is a very important customer, being that they buy about $32,000 worth of produce, 3 times a week. No small number by any means, so when they say "jump," [company name deleted] says "how fucking high bitch?"
Well, before the season, [football stadium A]'s luxury box chef decides what his nachos need are not only green jalapeno peppers, but also, red jalapeno peppers. Unfortunately, after sampling the red jalapeno peppers, he decides they are not pretty enough. We at [company name deleted] are always eager to help a customer in need, decide what he is looking for is a red Fresno pepper. A Fresno is similar to a jalapeno in size and shape, but has a more mild flavor, smaller seeds, and thinner outside wall. It also carries a consistent, deep red color throughout the pepper, (much better than the red jalapeno, which is often streaky, or more orange in color). Unfortunately, Fresnos are readily available in good supply during the summer months, September not being a summer month, they are extremely difficult to find. Today, of course is the day that [company name deleted] decides to order 300lbs of these fucking things, with no notice what so ever. They have to be produced by 9:00PM when the truck leaves for [city name deleted]. The order hits our fax at 10:00AM central time. I hit the phones to make a token effort to find these things, knowing full well that no one in [city name deleted] carries these things. When I get told no about 7 times, I have our customer service guy call the big boss, who is out of town on business. The boss says, "Under no circumstances will we short this order."
Nice. So this is how I solve the problem. I call every produce house, broker, and general food distributor in [city name deleted] to get these peppers. Everyone has 10lbs here, 20lbs here, 5 lbs here. So I'm thinking how the fuck do I get these up here by 5 so production has a chance to make them? I call in a favor with our tomato supplier, who owes me anyway, and have him send a guy around to like 5 places to get these dumb ass peppers, then run them to the airport, where Southwest has a flight out to [city name deleted] at 3:15PM, with an arrival time of 4:05PM. I then go to the airport, load all these bastards up, then haul them back to the plant to get the Mexicans to slice them up.
Yeah, we lost a shitload of money on that deal, but at least we didn't tell a customer no. Like I said boys, 6 months and we're going under. I will have the official numbers tomorrow when I see all the paperwork come in on this little deal.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
The Other Archives - No Pepper
Below is the censored text of an e-mail from my friend. I believe it's well over a year old; nevertheless, it is a stunning account of the hidden life of produce:
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2 comments:
So did the company go under?
The produce industry is an extremely volatile one. Produce giants tend to make good money in the summer and run in the red in the winter. Shit's all fucked up. But to answer your question, no, the company did not go under. They're actually looking to expand. This is made possible, at least in part, by hiring poorly paid Mexican workers (to chop up, process, etc. the produce) as well as poorly paid mentally handicapped workers (to place labels on the finished products).
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